alive

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hi. kind of a different post today.

i’ve been thinking about living in the present and gratitude a lot lately. has anyone else ever had one of those moments where you are doing something mundane and suddenly you get a jolt of energy when you think about how lucky you are? i was driving home from work the other day and thinking about daylight savings and how we were going to get more light in the afternoon. and how it becomes more routine as you get older.. it becomes routine, being a little bit more of a homebody when it’s winter and it’s dark by 4, and then things come a bit more alive more in the summer. how even if work responsibilities are still the same, there’s still a bigger sense of carefree-ness when the days are longer. maybe it’s just me. 

but the jolt of energy got me thinking about how it randomly hits me how lucky i am. i catch myself thinking sometimes “if this is it, i am good.” like i can not possibly ask for anything else in life - i feel like i am so lucky when it comes to family and friends and pets and the experiences i’ve got to live and the places i’ve gotten so see.

that’s not to say i’m stagnant or settling, or that i’ve already done it all (does anyone ever really?) but it’s just a sense of awe. not saying my life is perfect or every day is the best day. i still complain and get grumpy. 

i like to plan my schedule far out in advance. i don’t love when things go wrong, or i feel out of control. but i love that i get to experience both. they say you can’t have the highs without the lows, but i want the lows just like i want the highs. cause they’re real and they’re part of the experience and i just feel grateful to just be present for it all. 

so here i am now taking a minute to just recognize it. i’ve been able to do things and learn and grow and be surrounded by some of the best people i think there will ever be. i am so young, and yet i’ve outlived people who i know deserved so much more. how can i not be grateful?

and while i don’t really take social media too seriously, (half the time i write these posts on my phone and throw capitalization out the window even though i know better) and i don’t think you have to acknowledge something on social media for it to be true - i just want to take a minute to say wow. i am so lucky. i have been given more than anyone deserves. anything after this is really just the cherry on top. 

i am just so grateful. for everything.