showing up authentically and having fun on social media with Emily Avdem
meet emily,
i don’t know many people who hustle on social media as much as Emily does. name a platform and she’s on it, posting tons of photos and videos on a regular basis, all as a one-woman show.
but don’t let the selfies and edits misguide you - no matter what platform she’s using, Emily’s all about starting a conversation and staying authentic. whether she’s being transparent about having a bad day, sharing tips for coping with self-criticism, or trying to instill body confidence in her followers, she’s showing up as herself every day. i can’t say enough about her resiliency, ambition, and empathy for others.
we can all learn so much from Emily, and i hope you enjoy this conversation.
Scrolling through your feed, social media has been in your life a really long time. I was an adult - legally, 18 - before I even signed up for Instagram. What has it been like growing up with it?
I would say growing up, when I used it for personal fun, it was pretty chill! There weren't a ton of comparisons or self-esteem impacts because everyone I was engaged with on the platforms were just using it as almost like a personal photo diary and you really only paid attention to your friends’ pages! However, I would so the older I have gotten and the more social media has evolved, the more of an impact it’s had on me when it comes to comparisons.
Social media is no longer just a form of entertainment; it’s a business, and you’re a blogger. What made you decide to pivot from using it just for fun to branding yourself?
This is such a great question! I was in my second year of college and I think I was searching for a creative outlet that allowed me to myself in the most passionate way; writing. It’s always been a release for me and to be able to combine my passion with engaging with people in a different way, it was a win win situation.
I have to say, I think you’re one of the hardest working people on Instagram. You’re constantly putting stuff on every social media platform on a regular basis, and that’s a feat in and of itself. Why so many, and what’s it like?
Aww thank you! That means a lot because there is so much behind the scenes that most people don’t recognize the effort that goes into it. I brand myself on so many platforms for a few reasons: variety of demographics, bigger outreach, and the fact that I don’t own most of those platforms. It’s important that I post on so many because I want to truly reach the most amount of people I can and each platform hosts a different group of demographics. With Instagram, I hit a younger crowd with different interests than the older people on Facebook! Also, it’s important to remember that you don’t own your social media platforms. They can be taken away at ANY second and to me, it’s important that I have a brand in multiple places just in case one were to be taken away without my control.
Will you ever say enough or choose to not adopt another platform, when one comes around? Or do you feel an obligation to stay ahead of them all?
I’ve actually been reflecting on this a ton lately! Right now, I’m doing what feels good for me. This means, I have actually halted posting in my Instagram feed for the time being until I feel more authentic with it. Right now, I really dislike posting on Instagram because it feels like the whole app is against you and it can be extremely discouraging. So, to answer the question, I think i’ve become confident enough in my skills and happy enough with my brand that I feel like I can just do what feels natural and good! I also think others can sense that too!
What does a day in your life look like?
I actually vlog so you can see what I do on the daily! Haha! But, most of it truly just is me working at my computer to get client work done, personal work, and household chores! I also have a puppy named Daisy who takes a lot of my attention when I need a little “break”. I have to say, my work routine is pretty boring BUT I love it and am blessed that I was given this work opportunity.
What motivates you to post so often? How much of it is like, “I have something new that I’m really excited about,” and how much is it an obligation to work with the ‘algorithm’? It’s funny, I was scrolling through the other day, and there were so many things I used to post just for fun, and I think Instagram has lost so much of it’s spontaneity. That’s not just on the app developers; I think it’s on everyone who posts, too.
Actually, for the past few months it for sure was for the obligation to work with the algorithm. That’s why i’m actually taking a bit of a hiatus from instagram and focusing on my podcast and vlog channel! It’s been really helping me be intentional with what I post and do on the internet!
That’s awesome. Can you tell me a little bit more about your podcast?
Yes! I recently started mine again after a couple hiccups two years ago. I wanted a way to talk with others in a genuine way to talk about various topics like my blog! I’ve been more intentional lately with showing up with my voice or face on social media to be more personal because I find it more powerful. I put a new episode out every Monday morning! Give it a listen! It’s my newest passion project!
You recently took a mini break from being online, and are starting to do so more often. Social media affects mental health, even if you aren’t a blogger, although blogging gives it a unique perspective. You’re a perfectionist; how do you let yourself step back and take a break?
Lately I've been taking lots of breaks and even though it was SO hard at the beginning because I didn’t want to lose all my hard work and being perfect at what I was doing. But, I realized my mental health needed this break and I needed to deep dive into things that were important to me in this chapter of my life.
I wanted to start being more intentional with my time and energy.
Do you feel that as a blogger, or someone with a growing audience, that you have an obligation to speak out about topics like mental health?
No, actually! I do so because it’s something that has impacted me greatly in the last five or six years that I want to share it. I share it because I knew how lonely it felt to think that I was the only one suffering from anxiety and OCD tendencies. I didn’t know that seeking out help wasn’t a form of weakness. I want others to know that they aren’t alone and it’s okay to get help, no matter what.
You’re always trying new things, but one thing that you consistently talk about is body positivity. In the media, there’s not a lot of representation, and it’s not a fair or accurate representation whatsoever. Being able to say you’re a body positivity confidence coach doesn’t happen overnight. What has the process been like for you?
My process has been pretty slow and full of ups and downs. I haven’t always been super comfortable in my own skin and I’ve spent my fair share of tearful nights wondering why I can’t look like other girls BUT I slowly began to realize that each one of us has insecurities. Each one of us, no matter how “pretty” or “fit” other people think we are, we all have something we are really insecure about.
So, I've come to the realization that people are not as critical of us as we are of ourselves and to me that was such a powerful moment.
Once I realized that I was the main reason for my lack of confidence, I started to change my mindset and my hope is to help others feel the same way.
That’s incredible. Do you have any advice or practices to share when it comes to changing your mindset?
I mean I’m no pro at it but I just try to thing through things, be more reflective, and truly think about things in a bigger picture sense. I also love mantras and everyone is going to have different mantras that work for them but find the ones that work and say them a TON!! Say it until you believe it.
The edits you make that are fun and creative, but they’re not necessarily distorting anything; you’re not changing you, per say. People can transform a photo in so many ways, and it’s a creative outlet for sure, but when is enough enough?
I think it can definitely become an issue when you are changing you. I think adding fun things to photos and changing the location or adding a fun sky is great but sometimes it’s refreshing to see a real photo with all of it’s reality! When you start to change yourself in photos it reiterates what society tells us: to look a certain way. We are working so hard to break those societal standards and that can push us back so many steps!
Just be you, there’s nothing more beautiful.
In some ways, it seems like positive body talk isn’t something that happens naturally in friend groups in real life, either. You can get into that movie scene of everyone picking something they hate about themselves, but rarely is it a build each other up circle. On or off social media - whether it’s what we say or do - what do we do? How do we do our part?
This is HUGE. It’s so important to not fall into that deep whole of conversations with others about what we all hate about ourselves. I think to do our part, we surround ourselves with people who don’t dwell on this a ton and try to put out positive body talk.
If you don’t have anyone like that in your group, be that person and it will eventually rub off on everyone in the group. It can be a powerful thing.
That being said, what makes you feel beautiful?
Honestly, doing my hair and makeup for the day. There’s something about taking that little extra time for myself that makes me feel super confident.
What is something everyone should know how to do?
Oh this is a hard one! I honestly want to say laundry because it’s a really useful and valuable skill to have and I know a lot of people who don’t know how to do it and it’s an extreme inconvenience for them. Maybe a random answer but I think that’s mine!
Instagram is your job, but it’s unique in that you can’t really clock out. How do you keep yourself from getting swept up in the comparison trap?
This is very hard and honestly I don’t think i’ve mastered it yet. I get into phases where comparison traps barely phase me and other times when it’s all I do. I think we just have to be super self aware and ensure that when we feel ourselves being super affected by this, we step back and get in touch with our reality and understand why we may be feeling this way and putting in the work to feel good about ourselves just as we are.
You recently posted about owning your mistakes. I beat myself up a lot when it comes to that; I think my mistakes are going to come back and kill me, even though it’s inevitable in life that you will sometimes let others down, and you’ll sometimes let yourself down, too. How do you reconcile your mistakes?
I fear cancel culture ALL OF THE TIME. It’s extremely scary because most of my activity happens on the internet and the internet is a space that is hard to delete, hard to hide from viewers, and difficult to explain your side of the story when someone only wants to see and hear what they want to. However, to reconcile my mistakes I think it’s important to always admit your faults genuinely and try to do your best to learn from it and do better next time. That’s all we can do.
Social media is fast-paced, and it’s a momentum game in some ways. Once you start as a business or brand, you have to keep going, and breaks don’t really exist. Looking back now, you’ve built something real for yourself in just a few years. What are you most proud of?
I really love this question! It’s easy to see all the hard things coming next but very seldom do we stop to sit in the pride of our accomplishments. For me, my proudest moment has been my drive to continue even though it’s not the “norm.” Where I’m located, it’s very odd to start such a different career that doesn’t involve going to an office from 9-5 and doing the job that others think you should do after college. I’m proud that I've built a life that I am happy to live!
This year has been unpredictable in many ways. I think it’s felt limiting at times, with a focus on what we can’t do until things are ‘normal’ again. That said, what is something you want to do in 2021?
I just can’t wait to be around my family and friends without worrying or hesitating because of things way outside of my control. I love being able to see my loved ones any time and enjoy our time together. I’m a very affectionate person so not being able to hug my loved ones has been really hard on me.
Lastly, what is one of the biggest lessons you’ve learned, or a takeaway from 2020?
My BIGGEST lesson from 2020 is that you are allowed to slow down and enjoy your life.
It doesn’t always have to be go-go or being the most productive. It can simply be about slow moments and enjoyable times.
I’ve incorporated quite a few things into my life this year that have allowed me to slow down and enjoy my life more!
seven questions with emily avdem:
I can’t go a day without… playing with my pup! She’s the cutest and sweetest baby!!
Everyone should read... a thriller! There’s nothing like a suspenseful book to pull you in and keep you on your toes!!
Life is better with a little… coffee! Coffee is the best! If you don’t have a nespresso machine, you should get one!
Everyone in their 20s should… try not to be so hard on yourself. You don’t have to have everything together by 25! Enjoy your life how it is right now.
One insider thing to do in Fargo… is to go find fun parks! I love walking and taking my pup to Island Park or Lindenwood Park! Nature has always been a calming thing for me.
What the world needs right now is… more love. More compassion. We all don’t know what other people are dealing with so be slow to complain/get angry and be quicker to show love and empathy.
One way to spread love is… to do small things for people! I try to gift others in many ways big or small to make their day brighter!