welcome back.
hi again and welcome back to my blog.
i took a very long, unintended break and i’ve missed you.
there are a few new things still in the works, but i’ve realized you have to launch (or come back) before you’re ready and pivot as you go.
as far as where i’ve been..
the last two years have been hard, if i’m being honest. they’ve been hard for everyone, but the pandemic has been more of a scapegoat than the source of the problem for me in that it has shielded me from having to be social or talk about what’s going on in my life. and i don’t want this post to be a rehashing of everything negative and difficult, but i will say that the (kinda harsh) phrase “one dead dog away from a country song” rings pretty true.. except we did lose a dog, Casey, and we lost my cat Max, too. it sucked and death definitely changes you. my heart and prayers go out to anyone grieving. everyone says time heals, but i think death just becomes a part of you. loss stings in an acute way, no matter how much time goes by.
i still feel bad about mistakes i’ve made that other people have probably forgotten about, and some that others haven’t. “move on” is easier said than done, but i’ve found that time will introduce wisdom to you if you let it. tony bennett was right when he said that life teaches you how to live it if you live long enough. so if you find this post in the midst of your own troubles, hold on. and i’m here for you.
on a lighter note, i think i’ve grown a lot and that’s something i’m grateful for. my friend amanda recently called me resilient, but i think i’m softer, too. i say “i love you” a lot more (my mom will say it’s too much), and i value time with loved ones above anything else. my life is a lot simpler, and in some ways i’m ready to pick up the pace again, but i won’t compromise my values or priorities in the process.
so here we are, a year and a half plus a few face plants (some literal) later. if there is anything you take from me or this post, i hope it’s this:
learn how to stop dwelling on your mistakes and let go of guilt. it’s easy to be your own worst enemy, but it’s worth it to learn how to show yourself grace instead.
you can have the whole world in your hands, but it isn’t until you believe it that you can actually hold onto it and make something of it.
letting go is a process, not just a one-time thing. so is forgiveness, in some ways.
adopt the perspective that people are doing their best in any given moment - the benefit of the doubt goes a long way. not everyone is out to get you. and if they really are, how you respond says more about the situation than anything else. don’t define someone by one interaction, by one moment, by one social media post.
if you reach out to someone for help and they don’t respond in the way you’d hoped, it doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of help or that your problems aren’t “big” enough. reach out to someone else until you find that open door. it’s there; it just might be a few doors farther than what you expected. don’t lose hope, don’t lose faith.
like i’ve said from the very beginning, i’m here for you.
thank you for reading.
love you.